Dear Aaron,
It is Thanksgiving today. My family is gathered around their table, spilling over from its limited space. Your family and our friends are gathered around the table in your house. Your sister and her family are gathered at a southern table. I am at my cabin this Thanksgiving, watching snow drip from the eaves, listening to the crows cry out in the cold. And you? You are banqueting with the King of kings. Where you are, every moment is Thanksgiving. Would that we all lived in that state!
Yet...we don't. So when the crows cry, I want to cry with them. When a Switchfoot song plays unexpectedly in a film, all I can think about is you. It doesn't hurt me, exactly, I love thinking about you—but the separation, before your death and even more by your death—that hurts like hell. Oddly, it isn't Hell that separates us now but Heaven. How can this be?
Oh friend, I miss you. . .
Guarding words from Scripture, poets, philosophers, the Book of Common Prayer, and the common man.
Thursday, November 28, 2019
Tuesday, November 26, 2019
Invisible Friend
Raw tears
run to clenched jaws
and angry fears...
'This is your own fault,
your foolish choice'
whispers that
nagging voice
'You chose to care,
chose to listen,
now you'll tear.'
Tear into pieces
by unreasonable
expectation,
unseasonable...
Why does it never
align? My desires
left severed
Just a friend again,
just someone to spill
your thoughts on—
invisible still
You know, I'm so
dissatisfied in the role
of come and go
Tired of being unloved
and unseen,
yet feeling small
and mean
Wishing gladness
to any friend
is not sadness
Or it shouldn't be.
Who have I become?
To be ungenerous
to anyone?
Dry eyes,
turned down, ashamed
of my lies
I've lied to myself,
that I am okay
when I'm not,
not today
And not any other,
without beholding
my Lover
Who may not appear
by my side,
but He will be
my faithful Guide
Truth will not
staunch the blood,
it spills hot
Healing could arrive
in this life,
but I may have to bide
until the Kingdom
I choose to love,
choose to care,
with Help from above
If that makes me
a lonely fool,
choosing to rejoice
rather than being cruel
Then let it be,
my only prayer:
Blesséd, blesséd, blesséd be He.
run to clenched jaws
and angry fears...
'This is your own fault,
your foolish choice'
whispers that
nagging voice
'You chose to care,
chose to listen,
now you'll tear.'
Tear into pieces
by unreasonable
expectation,
unseasonable...
Why does it never
align? My desires
left severed
Just a friend again,
just someone to spill
your thoughts on—
invisible still
You know, I'm so
dissatisfied in the role
of come and go
Tired of being unloved
and unseen,
yet feeling small
and mean
Wishing gladness
to any friend
is not sadness
Or it shouldn't be.
Who have I become?
To be ungenerous
to anyone?
Dry eyes,
turned down, ashamed
of my lies
I've lied to myself,
that I am okay
when I'm not,
not today
And not any other,
without beholding
my Lover
Who may not appear
by my side,
but He will be
my faithful Guide
Truth will not
staunch the blood,
it spills hot
Healing could arrive
in this life,
but I may have to bide
until the Kingdom
I choose to love,
choose to care,
with Help from above
If that makes me
a lonely fool,
choosing to rejoice
rather than being cruel
Then let it be,
my only prayer:
Blesséd, blesséd, blesséd be He.
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